A means to an end

Just a quick note. I thought it important enough to share. My parents came back today from Edmonton, where they were making the arrangements for my grandmothers funeral. It was a mixed emotion day, as we celebrated my dads birthday, and then my Mother showed me the urn that now houses my grandmother. I was pretty good with it all. I felt a pang of sadness for my grandmother, such a strong and powerfull woman, now house in a marble cube the sixe of a shoe box. Its really a nice Urn. White marble with an Irish prayer written in green.

"May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind always be at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
and rains fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand"

Everything was fine. But then my mother came into my room to give me a candle holder. It was the gift I bought my Grandmother for Christmas last year. When she got it she called me and told me how much she loved it, and that I spoiled her with such a beautiful gift. It really is a nice candle holder. Carved into a triangle stone is a Celtic Cross with a place for a tea light at each point. My mother handed it to me, and I just stared at it. Traced the pattern of the knot for a minute or two, and cried. I guess it never hit me until that moment that she was gone. I guess I really was sad. I guess I am sad. my only regret is that she didnt get to enjoy it more. My mother tells me it was on her dresser. Next to her bed. I never beleived in God. never really had a reason to. And now that I am faced with death, the death of someone I loved, I regret not having that belief. All I can do now is hope that she is in a better place. Hope a better place exists, even if I never get to see it. More then that though, I hope she can see me now, hear me say "I love you" one more time.

Goodbye Grandma, I love you