Easy come easy go

I think i must have been a really bad person in another life...my Karma sucks! About two weeks ago I met this really amazing guy named Seb online. We spent the first week spending every day together, even spending the night at his place a few times, once while he wasnt even there. We hadnt slept together yet, as I wanted to wait for it to be special. Now, for some reason, he needs time alone to sort through some things. This might be true, but in my experiance, that line is used to let someone down gently. Which sucks. I really saw this one going somewhere. He's really good looking, balanced, doesnt drink, do drugs, smoke. He enjoys dancing and dinning out. He's a great cook, and he's a police officer. What more could I ask for? How about one who isnt terrified of commitment. I should have seen this comming, I really should have. But I didnt. The warning signs were all there but as usual I chose to ignore them in favor of being optimistic. I thought I learned that lesson with Sean, but apperently I am more stubborn then I thought I was. Maybe he is just sorting things out, maybe he does just need some time, but I really doubt it. I told him point blank not to hurt me, and if we were over to just tell me, and not try to spare me. I cant take any more hurt at this point, and the most painfull thing anyone can put me through is to drag this out. If it's over, then so be it, but let it be over. He said he still likes me, and that once he figures things out we might have a shot, and you know what? With all my cynicism, I still believe him on some level of my being. That's just me being hopefull, I know it, but I can't help it. Its part of my personality. To think, Last week I was going to update this blog with how I met him and how great a guy he is, but I put it off, and now look where I am. I get to say how great he is, AND how it didnt work out. Saves some time I suppose. It still hurts though. Why can I not find someone for me? I dont want to be alone anymore. It hurts to be alone.