I like him, I like him not...

God, what have I gotten myself into now? Two boys.

One is older, settled, has a career, is very cute, is mature, and wants something long term.
The other is younger, spontaneous, hot and closer to my mental age.

Now what do I do. I have had my share of boys, and I admit, I probably wasn't the nicest person to some of them...But this situation is quite unique for me. I met Kelly (the younger one) on a Saturday; I had no commitments, no attachments. So we danced, kissed, and I got his number. Then on Sunday I went out for a birthday supper with another boy I just met. Him and I didn’t have anything in common, so nothing will developed there, but another boy that was there, Fred, was totally my type. We hit it off, and well, I got his number too. (I actually left my number in his back pocket, but it all worked out in the end) So I call up Kelly, and we decide to go out on Wednesday, and we went to a straight bar with some of his work buddies. It was fine, I felt a little out of place, but I ended up bumping into a few girls I knew in high school, so it was all good. We went back to his place, chatted a bit, kissed, and I left. He then invited me out Friday night for his friend’s birthday party to a gay bar. I accepted, and we parted ways for the night. Then in Thursday night, Fred and I hung out at my best friend’s apartment, rented a movie, went back to his place, slept together, and cuddled all night. Friday night I go to Unity, Meet up with Kelly, we have a blast; I drink maybe a little too much, but manage to sober up before we leave. We dance and then leave, go back to Clinton’s, start watching a movie, but never finished it. We talked for a little bit about relationships, and I think I may have made a big mistake. I told him that I sucked at relationships, and I just wanted something casual. WHY AM I SO STUPID??? That was true last year, but more and more all I want is a relationship. To make matters worse, I think that was the exact thing that he didn’t want to hear. Well, we slept together, and cuddled all night.

God, what is wrong with me? Clinton tells me I am over-reacting. I have only known each one a week and I am not tied to commit to either of them, but still....If something were to developed with either one of them, I need to chose eventually. This morning was interesting. Kelly and I woke up at around 11:30 am, and he had to go have lunch with one of his friends. Now, I know how paranoid I am, and I am probably looking to deep into this, but When Kelly left, it was kind of cold. He just said bye, pecked me on the lips, and left. I called him a few hours later, and again, he was kind of cold. Now in my head I am thinking, well, if he wants nothing to do with me because of the "casual" thing, then my choice is easy, and I can just stick with Fred, but its not that simple. I like them both, and the decision on which one I pursue a relationship with should be mine. God I hope I am imagining things. I hope he calls me back. So back to my dilemma....Which one? I don't think I have ever liked two boys at the same time with the exact same degree. It's confusing. All I want is someone who will let me be me, but who I am and what I do can never be accepted in a relationship. I need to find out who I have a better chance of having something with. I think I know the answer to this one. I think me and Fred have a better chance. So why am I tearing myself up? Because, like always, I go for the challenge. Take notes here people, if you want me, play hard to get... It gets me every time.

So, I have got some thinking to do. I am seeing Fred tonight. I think me will end up watching a movie again, but its easy, and I am very tired from last night. Whatever happens, I hope I make the right choice. Logically, whatever choice I make for myself will be the right one because I made it, but no one over accused me of being logical.