I guess the honeymoon's over

Real life starts here. My relationship has passed what I can safely say is my safety point, the point of no return. Even though it has only been about 4 months, already this is far beyond anything I have ever had. And this isn’t all good. As is often said in relationships, you have to take the good along with the bad. But is it worth it? That's what I have to deal with right now. The problem started when I met Mitchell. Sean and I have spoken for a long while about sharing an experience sexually with a third person. It was a great idea in theory, but the effects of this experience have left me reeling. Mitchell is this boy from Edmonton who came down to Montreal for our Pride week celebrations. It was perfect, someone from far away who neither of us would be able to get attached to. But that’s exactly what went wrong. I got attached. To start from the beginning, I was on vacation all week. This was pre-planned for a few months and unfortunately, Sean had to work all that week. It was fine, I was just going to relax, take it easy. It was summer, pride week, lots to do. So we went out to the parade on Monday, and afterwards to a bar. It was at this bar that I met Mitchell. At first I noticed he was very cute, so I pointed him out to Sean and mentioned how he could be a potential candidate for our third person experience. So I approached Mitchell, and basically, got his number. I told him I was on vacation all week, and pretty much free all the time if he wanted to hang out. And that’s what we did. We hung out, while Sean was at work, we hung out. We went to see a movie together, had dinner together a few times, walked around together. I learned a great deal about him then, learned we shared a lot of the same interests and tastes. As things progressed, I started to realize that I liked him more then I should. Then, intuitive Sean called me on it. I can't say he was upset about it. I think he just wanted to know. After trying to avoid it as much as I could, I finally came out and said it. I wanted Mitchell to myself. Sean took it in stride. In the end, we still decided to pursue it together. Mitchell was amenable to the whole idea so it all seemed god to go. We went out Saturday night, had drinks, danced all night, flirted like mad, and went to a hotel. All went pretty much as we planned and it was a really good experience. For Both Sean and I, and Mitchell too I hope. We cuddled all three of us together for a while and then had to get up as the sleazy hotel I got rented by the hour. Sean and I went home, Sean to sleep, and me to begin a mental journey that I have still not fully completed. A mental journey filled with "What ifs" and guilt. The most common thoughts were, what if Mitchell is the one? What would it be like to be his boyfriend? Am I ready for something serious, especially considering the thoughts I have for Mitchell despite Sean? How can I really believe I am ready when something as simple as a week with a guy can flip all my feelings over my head? Sean knows about how I am feeling and I can tell it worries him as well. He won’t come right out and say it, but I know he is bracing for the worst with me. I love Sean. I do, and I am not just saying that to convince myself. If there is one thing I know, is that I do love him. What I am dealing with now isn’t about love. It’s about my resolve in this relationship. Can I handle it? Is this what I am looking for or even ready for? the answers are not easy to find. What complicates things even more is the fact that Sean and I have been bickering a lot lately, over stupidities really. The simplest thing sets either one of us off, though to be honest; Sean is usually the one to blow up. The temper this boy has is amazing. I can handle it, most of the time, but sometimes I just want to tell him to grow up. I can’t always deal with it. Sometimes I wonder if Mitchell has a temper like this and this only makes things worse for me. Mitchell is a lot calmer and sometimes I find myself yearning for that. The journey in my mind is nearing completion, and yet I still can’t say with 100% certainty what the end result will be.